 Currently 16 going 17 July 11th, 1992 TPJCian Ex-Queenstownian Ex-Fairsian Elemental Muse
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11:17 PM  To prevent any misconceptions to why did I reject your offer for that survey. I'm writing this in the hope that you'd understand how I felt, and what's going on in my mind, so that you wouldn't take it as a form of rejection but, a form of concern.I knew that you meant well by offering the survey to me. You wanted me to have the best that I can achieve, and to benefit from whatever sources there are around me. Deep thoughts ran through my mind and i swore that agreeing was my very first idea, but it just wasn't what I concluded. I, too, wants you to get the best. I'm a person who can't control his emotions and so, his expressions. The will to get into a JC in me is very strong. But the fact that the surveys related to education, and thus making me lie, saying that I'd rather go to a lousy polytechnic course, placed me in a very difficult position. The need to provide our actual identities may also threaten my position as a student when it comes to promotion. That's when I thought "what if the survey really made me lose the chance of getting whatever I want" comes in. Religious teachings also mentioned quite a fair bit about lying being a sin. Now my conscious sets in. I can't go against it! It's worsened when the thought of "there's no free lunches on Earth" flashed through my head. It's just beyond my nature to do so. You're the person who invited me to this, and I don't want to vent my anger on you if anything wrong happens. I don't want to hurt any more people around me because of my inability to control my emotions. Most importantly, I don't want you to be hurt. It's not because I don't trust you nor anything else. I trust that you want the best for me. You want me to earn the money. But it's also because of you and my principle that paved my life, the things that stopped me from accepting the offer. I don't want that peanut sum of S$75 when I know I'd have the potential to hurt another self, especially if my victim's you. I will not take the risk. No way am I going to. It's been 4 days and counting. The silence is unbearable. If absence makes the heart grow fonder, I'd beg to differ. The past 4 days have been terribly spent alone. Struggling with my inner-self, trying to figure out what have happened. Messages unreplied, calls unanswered. My heart's dampened with concerns and remorse. I need you back in my life. Will you answer my calls? Wednesday, November 26, 2008ISA TSD Practical MYE Assessment'o9 TPJChoir
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